We are all used to the concept of individual feedback in the work environment. It is intended to be a positive process which adds value to each member of staff and to the organisation overall. However, the reality can be very different. In my new book, ‘Can I Offer You Something?’, I examine a number of myths, those ideas about feedback at work that are simply accepted as ‘the way thing are done around here’ and consider alternatives in order that our relationship with feedback can become more purposeful and positive.
Is there a one size fits all approach?
In many organisations a model for feedback has been introduced and there is no appetite for changing them. In some cases people will rely on their own experiences with feedback and follow a pattern of what they see as always having worked for them. The belief that there is a universal formula can result in staff members having too little or too much feedback. It may be presented in a way that’s hard to process, or exchanged in a way that isn’t authentic.
Of course, if there was a universal formula to giving and receiving feedback, all businesses would encourage their employees to use feedback in the same way. However, the reality is that individual experience feedback very differently. The more you can understand about your own feedback preferences and explain them to your colleagues, the more benefits you will gain from engaging in feedback.
Is feedback being ‘done to you’
Have you experienced a moment when you felt that feedback was being ‘done to you’? When it feels like a one-way street recipients are very likely to disengage from what is being said. They may even disengage from the person voicing the feedback. If, as the provider of feedback, you are feeling any anxiety about the process, you may find yourself ‘getting it over with’ as quickly as you can. Your poor recipient may experience this as having feedback dumped on them. As a result they’ll be less inclined to ask you to share your feedback and miss out on the value of your perspective.
Feedback should be a conversation, Information/ideas/emotions should go back and forth between provider and recipient. People are much more willing to stay present and engaged with the conversation if the feedback is offered empathically and shared in ways that suit both parties. This puts the human connection in the centre of the exchange. My research showed that 82% of people would like feedback to be more relational.
Are clarifying questions seen as outside the process?
For feedback to work well both parties need to understand one another. However, often people feel that asking clarifying questions will be seen as defensive, or an attempt to justify their actions. If these necessary questions aren’t asked then people will fill in the gaps themselves, decide that they know what is meant and use their time and energy in a futile way to action the ‘wrong thing’.
Many people, when they are providing feedback and feeling anxious, unintentionally omit space for asking questions. This will likely lead to having to repeat the whole conversation again to clear up any uncertainty that the recipient feels or misunderstandings that have arisen.
Asking questions is important! They demonstrate curiosity, help to clarify information and also help you to build your self-awareness and also your awareness of others. And they limit recipients making up what they think you mean.
Is feedback all about creating action?
I once worked with someone who was told to both stop and start the same thing by two different people. Unsurprisingly this led to ‘analysis paralysis’. When feedback isn’t clear, recipients can get into a frenzy trying to action everything or focus on things that really aren’t a priority. This can result in missed deadlines, missed opportunities a lot of frustration.
Good feedback is really about inspiring choice. What you offer is your perspectives on something. The recipient can choose what to do with it. They may take it on board as a moment of recognition; learn, act or do nothing at all, without being penalised.
If what you’re offering will lead to an unhelpful consequence if they don’t act, then communicate this clearly. What you’re actually doing here is not feedback. What you are doing is providing a direction. Everyone needs to understand this and be clear on the next steps.
Is feedback mainly criticism?
If you see criticism as a key part of feedback this can lead to increased feelings of anxiety as people start to perceive feedback as a threat. People will be wary and on their guard. This may cause them to feel judged personally, rather than being a reflection of what they have or haven’t done.
In truth negative and positive feedback can be equally uncomfortable, motivating, and challenging to both receive and to give.
But regardless of the label attached to feedback it is important that it works for the person on the receiving end. To get over the idea that feedback must be critical what’s important is to the consider why you want to offer or receive feedback. What is the purpose or desired outcome? Then use this to focus your efforts. From whom do you wish to seek feedback? Or, what will be the best way to offer it to the human being sitting with you?
Conclusion
If you want to have a beneficial relationship with feedback it is time to take a step back and ask yourself, how do you really know what you know about the feedback process? By doing this you can get curious about the influence of the unhelpful embed beliefs we have about feedback. You’ll able to access their impact on your behaviour and change them for a more nuanced understanding that will make feedback more purposeful, relational and valuable.
About the Author
Becky Westwood is an Organisational Psychologist, and Chief Experience Officer of Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy. Becky is author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback’.
